I was recently given a garden plaque, a lovely little faux-stone square that you hang out in the garden.  The saying on it, from Alfred Austin, is short but thought provoking:  “Show me your garden and shall tell you what you are.”

No doubt this is meant to explore the expression of one’s Id through our choices of flowering combinations, or plumb the depths of our relationship with the world through mulch.  But I have to admit: when faced with a door into my psyche, my only thought was “thank goodness it didn’t ask me to show it the lawn.”

Men derive approximately 41 percent of their self-esteem from how the lawn looks, according to nobody in particular. Ledger file photo

A close examination of my grass is more telling than reading tea leaves, but significance depends upon the interpreter.  To some, those small encroachments of weeds and the push and pull of buffalo and bluegrass in the back yard means I’m open minded and accepting.  Others see it as a hideous eyesore and look at me as if I had demon smut on my soul.

It isn’t that there’s a right or wrong in the matter, it’s just a difference in opinion on what makes a perfect yard. For us, we’re happy to keep our maintenance to a minimum and don’t mind a few weeds.  The buffalo grass in the back is xeric, and our water bills don’t go up like a rocket around the Fourth of July.

But there’s little doubt in my mind why lawns are so important to people.  Historically, they’ve been a sign of wealth and prosperity – the number of sheep you could graze on your lawn showed the neighbors how rich you were.

Nowadays homeowners take pride in their grass, secretly measuring themselves against surrounding yards. They patrol the yard until mysterious brown spots stop them in their tracks.  Comb-overs are considered, but discarded since the grass is mowed only three inches high.

When lawns have problems, many are left scratching their head, wondering what is wrong and how to fix it. Fortunately we at Colorado State University Extension have a program designed to help the turf-challenged right in your own backyard: Lawncheck.  It includes a site visit by our horticulture staff to discuss recommendations for fixing and caring for the grass.

In most cases, yard problems are due to how the lawn is cared for, and homeowners can cure problems themselves.  Occasionally, help will be needed from a professional lawn care company, so contact the folks at Colorado Association of Lawn Care Professionals, lawncarecolorado.org/, for their list of local experts.

The minimum cost is $75 for a one hour site visit.  Mileage costs may apply, depending on the distance of the site from the Extension office.  Lab fees for any samples collected will vary, based upon the tests to be run. Visit the CSU Lawncheck website for a listing of participating counties, or to schedule an appointment at CSULawncheck.org.

We’ll walk the lawn with you.

Read Carol O’Meara’s blog at gardeningafterfive.wordpress.com

Brace yourselves for the strip show of summer, coming soon to a garden near you.  With tiny jaws and a will to chew, insects intent on turning your garden into an all-you-can-eat buffet are on their way, struggling up out of the soil as the weather warms. First to lose leaves will be the evening primrose, then sumac, tomatoes, cabbage and potatoes.

When flea beetles arrive, your garden will be a hot spot of trouble. Hordes of these small, shiny bugs chew leaves to a nub, threatening the survival of fledgling plants. Just mention them and gardeners panic, dusting and vacuuming the garden to get rid of the vermin.

You don't have to put up with strippers like these apple flea beetles.

If your seedlings are going to survive, you need a plan to thwart the flea beetle attack.  But with this bug problem, there’s no quick fix.  Like swallows to Capistrano, the beetles keep returning, so several methods should be used to help your plants grow large enough to ward off harm.

What: Wrap vegetables in floating row covers that allow sun and water, but not insects, to get through.

Results: These fabric tents keep insects out, as long as the bugs are not already on the plant. If your plants are hosting the party already, clean out the buffet first.

What:  Vacuuming the seedlings.

Results: Hand held dust busters do an excellent job and are easy to move around the foliage.  As an added bonus, the small capture bag can be quickly emptied of bugs into a plastic bag for disposal.

What:  Diatomaceous earth

Results:  This powder, made from crushed fossilized diatomes, is a good way to repel flea beetles.  The dust irritates the body of the bug and they hop off to find less grating haunts in your neighbor’s yard.  Since plants keep sending up new growth, the dust needs to be reapplied often.

What:  Spinosad

Results:  Spinosad, a fermented by-product of microscopic actinomycetes (bacteria found in the soil), stops bugs cold.  For it to work the bugs have to eat it, which means beneficial insects that don’t eat plants are safe from harm (caution: don’t use this on plants in bloom, or it may harm honeybees).  Once the bad guys have eaten Spinosad, their nervous system gets overexcited, and they drop dead within hours.

What:  Neem oil

Results:  As a repellent, neem, an extract of the neem tree, can slow feeding of flea beetles.  But it must be reapplied often and doesn’t affect the larvae, many of which develop in the soil.

Act early to protect your plants from attack, and practice safe gardening by reading and following directions on the label for all products.

Read Carol O’Meara’s blog at gardeningafterfive.wordpress.com.

My hobby is trying to kill me.

I know this on Monday mornings when I creak out of bed to go to work after spending two days in the garden. It happens every weekend: my brain tells my muscles it won’t be that bad, my body is left to wonder why I don’t take up stock in ibuprofen.

If you’re looking for a summer workout, gardening is excellent exercise, an intense sport cleverly disguised as an attraction for elderly ladies or gentlemen with British accents. Its flowers and butterflies are deceptive, like meeting a personal trainer who looks friendly.  But like personal trainers, gardening will introduce you to muscles you never knew you had and, now that you do, can’t move them without whimpering.

Experts recommend at least two hours and 30 minutes of exercise weekly for adults to stay healthy.  A gardener does that before breakfast, getting the chores done before the heat of the day. And we often run two-a-days, heading back out into the yard to finish what we started once the evening cools things down.

Aerobic activities are part of the sport; every time you see a weed your heart rate goes up to a respectable level.  Attacking by digging, hoeing, pulling or pick axing, we rip the weeds, rather than our muscles.  The six pack most of us look forward to is cold and best enjoyed while sitting on the patio.

For bulking up bone density, weight bearing exercise is a key component, something gardening has in abundance.  Cleaning and jerking 40 pound bags of compost onto your shoulder, one by one, and then trotting them into the garden is a great way to build strength.  That we add a super set of bicep curls by lifting flats of petunias to haul along with the bags is just our way of showing off.

There isn’t any fancy clothing required for the sport of gardening; you don’t have to invest in high tech spandex leggings, shoes, or helmets that shout out a brand name. If you want to bling yourself for a workout, carry tools that make Rambo look like a sissy: knife-like Hori-horis, wickedly pointed garden claws, and pruners big enough to fell a tree.

Yes, gardening builds bodies as well as blooms, but once we’ve finished there’s no smugness about it.  Crouched over for hours, we’re incapable of straightening up for a cheery wave at the neighbors, much less a victory lap around the yard to show off our physique.  Instead, we spray soil as we fling a hand up in greeting, then slouch toward the house looking for that ibuprofen.

Read Carol O’Meara’s blog at gardeningafterfive.wordpress.com

April is such a thorny month.  Just as we’re getting through our taxes it’s time to prune the roses.  Between the two, I’ll take the rose; if something’s going to stick it to me I’d rather it be a plant, instead of the tax man.

When you need a break from the write-offs and deductions, head out to the garden.  Cutting back the large, thorn-filled excess of last year is the perfect way to de-stress from filling out those forms.

Winter takes its toll on roses in our area, and because we don’t cap them as they do in eastern areas, the canes die back, leaving us to clip off the dead parts in the spring.  Timing of pruning is crucial to success, because every snip stimulates new growth, leaving it vulnerable to killing frosts.  Waiting until two weeks before the last average hard frost helps cheat the weather.

The tools you need are few:  hand pruners, loppers for the big canes, heavy gloves, and for really thorny roses, a first aid kit with a tourniquet. Pruning varies with different rose types, but plan on cutting back hybrid teas and grandifloras every year.

Once you’ve gathered your tools, approach your rose, looking it over for dead or diseased canes first.  Remove these, then focus on shape. When pruning roses, always make your cut at a 30 to 45-degree angle, clipping it one-quarter-inch above a live bud.

Most canes will have a blush of green where there’s live wood; prune the cane back one-half-inch into the green. Don’t be alarmed if there are only a few inches of green on the canes, this is normal in years when winter is harsh.

Be aware that some older canes or roses with bronze stems may look brown instead of green.  Clip these from the top down, cutting off a smaller portion of the cane each time you snip to check the interior of signs of life (a white center and green inner bark).

Your goal is to prune back the canes to shape the plant, making sure that the center is open to allow light and air to your rose. Where possible, make your pruning cut above an outward facing bud, so the plant grows out, not in on itself.

Miniatures, floribundas, and polyanthas are hardier plants that don’t always suffer damage from winter kill. Check them yearly, pruning off dead and damaged wood, then shape them if needed.

Climbing roses are more of a challenge; they are often left to grow without training, and canes intertwine.  Shaping them is usually not necessary, but as canes get older they may become unproductive or die.  Alert your family that you’ll be attempting to remove these large canes that are enmeshed with the rest of the plant; they’ll have the bandages ready after your work is done.

Once this task is complete, you can return to bonding with the IRS.  Just tell your friends you got all of those scratches from the tax man.

Read Carol O’Meara’s blog Gardening After Five.

If those shrubs you planted when you moved in years ago have gotten big enough to require a new ZIP code, the time has come to consider pruning.  With a little care and contemplation, the haircut you give them will leave them looking fresh, rejuvenated, and ready to burst forth with blooms year after year.

Timing is everything if you want to keep flowering shrubs looking great, so mark your calendars for getting out the pruners. Then take a few moments to plan your approach, keeping your snips to a minimum - removing no more than one-third of the shrub each season.

Shrubs that flower in spring form their blooms during the previous summer. To keep the show dazzling year after year, hold off on pruning until just after flowering is finished in early summer. In the two weeks that follow blossoming, reshape your plant.

Most shrubs need a light trim to keep them contained, so make each snip count by focusing on those branches that are long and leggy. Though this takes time, prune off branches one by one, sculpting the plant into a natural looking shape.

Make cuts one-quarter inch above a bud to force branching to fill in leggy bottoms and new growth that blooms more freely. Broom plants should not be cut heavily; remove only one-third of the branch tip, taking care to avoid cutting into old wood.

Planted where they can ramble, junipers don’t need much pruning.  But if you’ve got one near a sidewalk or drive that’s starting to take over, give it a custom haircut to leave it looking natural and well behaved.

Prune anytime except in late summer, when the clipping stimulates new growth that won’t harden off in time for winter.  Avoid cutting the plant in sub-zero temperatures in winter.

Junipers put on new growth from the tips; if your plant is severely overgrown, a hard prune into bare wood will leave a bald spot.  Choose your cuts carefully, and head back each branch to an actively growing, upward facing side shoot.  This will encourage the plant to fill in.

The creamy white interior wood of juniper is very obvious against the dark mass of needles.  Keep those stubs unobtrusive by angling your cuts downward, so the white won’t show.

Read Carol O’Meara’s blog at gardeningafterfive.wordpress.com.